I hate this... I am bawling my eyes out right now...... ahh!!!!!!!!! Today Steve and I have been together for 9 months.... that's pretty cool and important right??? Yea, I'd think so too, but he's with Theo.  And he's probably going sledding tonight with him too.  I'm going to a movie w/ my parents at 6~ish and I just wanted to see him before or after the movie... but I guess not because I guess Theo is more important than me.  Steve ditched me for Theo a week ago Sunday when he specifically told me that we would hang out he ended up w/ Theo... and that hurt my feeling really bad... and now he's doing this?  Will I always be second string? I understand that he's close w/ Theo, really, I do.  But come on it's NINE FREAKING MONTHS and I thought we could do something.  I love him, but I'm not so sure he loves me as much and that's hurt more than anyone can imagine.  I'm scared of losing my boyfriend and best friend.  I'm so scared that he'll break up with me and won't care at all.  This is the worst day ever........ I want my boyfriend, why can't he want me too???

praying and hoping.........

She WILL be ok

She is my role model, I hope to be like her in every essence and thanks to my delightful lil cuz Melissa..... I love you and you call me anytime..... I'll be down in a jiffy if ya need me..... because, you know, I AM AN ADULT NOW!!!!!!!!!!

18 yesterday...... and such a wonderful day it was!

another survey because... I hate homework

SURVEY

Last person who...
Slept in your bed: me
Made you cry: thinking about my aunt
You shared a drink with: Steve
You went to the movies with: Steve and Calach
You went to the mall with: Mom
Yelled at you: Dad
Said they were going to kill you: I don't know

::HAVE YOU EVER...::
*Been to New York?: yep
*Been to Florida?: yep
*California?: no
*Hawaii?: nope
*Mexico?: no
*China?: no
*Canada?: yep
*Danced naked?: yep.. fun stuff!
*Got a really bad feeling about something then it happened?: a few times
*Wish you were the opposite sex? Um…no
*Had an imaginary friend?: not that I recall

*Red or blue?: red
*Spring or fall?: fall~~ my  b-day
*Math or English?: math AP Calc
*What are you going to do after you finish this survey?: not sure yet
*What was the last food you ate?: Rice Krispies

*How many buddies are on?: i don't know .. don't feel like looking

*Last movie you saw?: Orange County
*Last time you went out of the state: when I went to Indiana
*What book are you reading now?: The Notebook
*What's on your mouse pad?: nothing

*Favorite board game?: hmmm... good question
*Favorite magazine?: Seventeen
*Worst feeling in the world?: loving someone and them not loving you back... thankfully i'm not there right now

*What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning?: whe're the freaking snooze button????

*Chocolate or vanilla?: chocolate
*Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: two, Thumper and Socks~~ both from my lover boy!
*Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?: yep I sure do

*What's under your bed?: who knows?
*Favorite sport to watch?: football/basketball
*Hair Color: light brown/dark blonde
*Eye Color: green
*Height Currently: 5'8
*Glasses/contacts: contacts
*College Plans: Bowling Green.. or.. maybe.. Central
*Best Friends: that's not a cool question... i love all my friends
*Boyfriend or girlfriend: Steve
*Things I Like to do: Steve ..hah.. just kidding!!! umm... I dunno, have fun mainly... I can't think... I don't like this question either

::STUFF::
*Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: yea
*Have You Ever Cried Over Something Someone of The Same Sex: yea
*Do You Have A "Type" Of Person You Always Go After: not really.. it varies with me

*Ever Liked a close Guy/Girl Friend: yea
*Are You Lonely Right Now: no, but I miss Steve
*Ever Afraid You'll Never Get Married: sometimes I am, if I lose Steve, what will happen? but then, I'm like yea, I'll get married, so I dunno... maybe kinda every once in awhile
*Do You Want To Get Married: yes
*Do You Want Kids: yes

::FAVORITE::
*Room In house: my bedroom
*Type of music: lots of types
*Song: hmm.. not sure
*Memory: Steve and my first kiss.. it was beautiful
*Day Of the week: Friday night/Saturday
*Color: PINK
*Perfume Or Cologne: that stuff Steve wears 
*Flower: daisies
*Month: November
*Season: fall

::IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU::
*Cried: no

*Bought something: yes of course!
*Gotten Sick: no
*Sang: in the shower.... my wonderful stories to Steve and Cal at lunch!
*Said I Love You: yep
*Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them, But Didnt: no
*Met Someone New: i don't think so

*Moved On: no
*Talked To Someone: yea
*Had A Serious Talk: yeah
*Missed Someone: a lot of people
*Hugged Someone: yes
*Kissed Someone: yes
*Fought With Your Parents: yes
*Had a lot of sleep: no, i never do!!!

I feel........

FAT

STUPID

and UGLY

What's going on?